Group Stage Complete-Very Satisfying

So a quick little recap as the group stage of the 2010 WC has been completed. Great great stuff. Of course we couldn't be happier with the way things played out for the ole Red White and Blue. We could go on and on about the biggest goal in US Soccer history, but let's sum up a couple other team's happenings.

Overall, gotta love that the 2010 World Cup is shaping up like World War II- France has forfeited, America turned up late, and England is left to fight the Germans. Italy, I believe was just asleep the whole time.

Some surprise teams that look really Good:
While perennial powers Argentina, Brazil and Spain look really really good, especially Argentina with the doubts coming in, there are a few other teams that look awesome, that I didn't think would.

Uruguay-they play great soccer. Goal scorers, quick play and my sleeper for Golden Boot with Forlan.

Biggest Surprise-who looks very dangerous-Japan!
Fucking posessed, energized, super fast and fun to watch.

How big was winning the Group for US. Yes, The United States looks like they are playing some of the best soccer of the tournament too. Not just saying that, they legitimately look good for once. Knocking it around, creating things, great keep in the pipes, and sooo mentally strong. Most of these other countries would have folded up shop down 2 goals to Slovenia, getting bitch slapped all over by the referees, and seeing opportunity after opportunity fail and fail against Algeria. Kept pushing, pushing, and you could just see they weren't going to go home. 90 minutes 45 seconds-then history. AMAZING. So, that said... Who would you rather be slotted with going into the quarters the-Argentina-Mexico-Germany bracket or South Korea-Ghana-Uruguay?? Nuff said. Obviously anybody that makes it this far is good. real good, but that walk to the semis looks mighty better now if you ask me.

More to follow, I gotta go get a cheeseburger and watch Spain Chile right now.

I still like Brazil to win it all, but watch out for the Landon Donovan Pants Party!

Seattle Bar Donovan Celebration

Check out the dude on the right with the scarf. Love it

Now that's English Pep Talk

This drummer is at the wrong gig.

The Cameltoe Alphabet

So, this is really an idea for a coffeetable book. 26 pages. 26 Names of Cameltoes. Each accompanied by a picture, based on the description. Use your imagination on the pictures for now. I am getting a camera this weekend. Any volunteers?
------------------------------------------------------
Hitting Coffeetables Everywhere...

A movement-a phenomenon.

The Cameltoe Alphabet: Glorified(somewhat) Views of The Other Cleavage.

Introduction: Due to a combination of anatomical factors, the snugness of the fabric in the region surrounding the cleft of venus may result in the area of the crotch taking on the appearance of the forefoot of a camel or other even-toed ungulate. Too bad for them, but good reading for us! Enjoy.



A. Alcatraz...There's no escape
B. Bulge...Try an anti-inflamatory. Advil works great. Or sweatpants.
C. Cartman...I'm not fat, I'm big boned
D. Desktop...A fine place to keep a pencil too
E. Everest...Be sure to bring extra oxygen tanks
F. French Toast...Aunt Jemima will do
G. Gremlin...Is your crotch hungry girl? cuz it's eating your pants.
H. Hunt for Red October...Surface! Surface! Surface!
I. Iwo Jima...The US Invasion
J. Jahugeuan...Very very big.
K. Kumquat...Slow-growing, shrubby, compact. The little gold gems of the citrus fruit family
L. Lip Reader...Your pants are so tight, I can read your lips.
M. Muffin Top...Yep
N. Nine Iron...Slight hook to the left
O. One Lane Road...Nice little poon crease
P. Post Office Box...Stuff it in there!
Q. Qwest High-Speed Internet...One Package, One Low Price!
R. Robert Downey Jr...Rehab fixes everything
S. Split the uprights...Plent of ball clearance there!
T. Three-toed sloth...Spending countless hours furrowing in the bush.
U. Upside down tomato plant...Lots of sunlight, lots of water.
V. Volleyball...Bump, Set, Cameltoe!
W. Wrench...Fix yourself
X. Xylophone...mmm, nice fold.
Y. Yellow Brick Road...We're off to see the Wizard!
Z. Zihixopxkoe-WTF is That?!

Shakira World Cup song not going over well.

read

It's been awhile. Ive been doing lots of push ups.

I feel sorry for people that dont drink. When they wake up in the morning, thats THE BEST they're going to feel ALL DAY.

http://games.espn.go.com/tcmen/en/entry?entryID=1281268

http://games.espn.go.com/tcmen/en/entry?entryID=1281268

Nice Tie, Asshole

College is like the island in "Lost" -- things happen that can't be explained, there are different tribes of people with whom you uneasily co-exist, you're living in close quarters with a bunch of people that eventually drive you crazy, you can't find a good toilet, you don't appreciate being there until you're gone (then you want to go back), and there might even be some time-traveling.

I love it when people compliment one another on their clothing, and we accept the compliment as if it were meant for us. "Nice tie." "Well Thank you." The compliment is for the tie, not for you. But we take it.
But that's essentially the job of clothing isn't it--to get compliments for us because it is very difficult to get compliments based on the type of person you actually are. Let's face it, you could be a very nice person, but nobody is going to give you the satisfaction of recognizing that. No no no. I assume just be a bastard, and try to match your colors up. MMM

AutoReply:AutoReply:AutoReply:AutoReply

If I put up an out of office reply to an out of office reply, will they just keep AutoReply-bouncing back and forth? I like this idea a lot. This is what I am thinking about today.

Check out this Video-OK Go

Conundrumizations

You may have a soft spot for puppies, God, mashed potatoes, and The Family Guy. Or a gripe with Russian Figure skaters, Jay Leno, and cats. But whatever the cause, there is a reason for that emotion you have with everything, everything. It's different for everyone, it's subconscious or steaming out the ears. It's acted upon or pushed into mushpile of emotions in our brains, maybe to surface again, maybe to add to the cancer forming there.


Why is this the way the world is? It's because today my $5 Footlong cost $8.29. It's because as soon as we have somewhat stabilized things in Haiti, a magnitude 8.8 earthquake hits Chile. It's because we polarize a Canadian Women's Hockey team's celebration of a lifelong dream come true. It's because the only commercials that make sense are for Old Spice. I'm on a horse.

So, instead of accept that there are anomolies for why most of the world's daily events just don't really make sense, I will be making my own agenda to control those things I can control in an effort to single handedly turn the world around. Where do we start-the recession? That's our biggest problem, right? Money? Please, if we continue to say that a recession is our single most pressing issue in our world, I empathize with those who never knew otherwise-the Namibians, the Baltimorians, our children, the street performers, the Zimbabweans.

I have a thought. What if Obama stopped our country one day and issued a national shopping day. Yes. We must stop, and we must shop. Tomorrow, you do not go to work-save for those that work in retail stores and restaurant establishments, you will work half days and rotate your shift-then shop. We must stimulate. One day-the entire world spends money. Even Wall Street-you must pause. Objections? It's a thought

Well, stimulus aside, these are the things I will do to change the world by being more sustainable. They are small things, they will not make a difference. So it will not actually take place, but it's something to think about if the entire world did these things:

I will only wear deodorant on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and every other Sunday.

I will run everywhere I go. To work, up the stairs. To the fax machine. From the pantry to the toaster. Home from the bars.

I will not get ice in my drinks. Or do you think we should ask for extra ice? Which one saves more? More product with less ice, thus conserving water, or extra ice with more product, slowing mass production? I'll just stick with beer.

I will not feed the birds at the park.

I will email you my novel.

I will have happy hour with you via twitter. Nope, but hey, not out of the question these days.

I will wear shirts from 8th grade.

I will feed the dog leftovers.

I will bring a thermos.

I will wear slippers to work-saves sock laundry.

I will not use straws.

I will roll through stop signs to save gas.

I will fly standby.

I will brush my teeth and shave in the shower at the same time, with the lights off.

Did you know that I'm riding this horse, backwards?

Tiger Woods? More like Pussycat Woods

Damn, that was a horrendous speech. I still taste vomit. I don't really know where to begin, but I have a hard time finding sincerity coming from a robot. First off, the opening resembled a bad SNL skit-blue curtain, the tops of peoples heads, small podium, muffled microphone bumps-only Tiger forgot to put his makeup on and looked like his past 45 therapy sessions really wore him out.

Tiger could have handled this in a lot of ways, and yes, it is one of the worst scandals the world has ever seen, but I bet he could have found a better way than to find 15 people with bowties and boring faces and cram them into a high school speech classroom.

Kudos:
Way to apologize to your sponsors before the families of the children whose idolizations you ruined.
Way to use the excuse "I knew my actions were wrong, but I convinced myself that normal rules didn't apply. I never thought about who I was hurting. Instead, I thought only about myself. I ran straight through the boundaries that a married couple should live by. I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn't have to go far to find them." Hack Hack spit, vomit. This was a bad move. "Um I was just pretty horny and stuff." Should of probably just went with that.

Some reporters said that it came from the heart. Um, I'm sorry, pretty sure he was just reading from the "Cheaters Confessions for Dummies" book-$19.99 on Amazon.
Listen, most people in the world of sports know that Tiger is quiet, reserved, not great on camera, apparently bad public speaker. But damn, he made George Bush look like Barack Obama(well that's a bit of an exxageration, ok not even close). But if I...talked like this...for 15..minutes straight...looking directly...into...the camera...pause...awkward point to pause...pause...I would...feel...a little...creeped out too...I'm sorry.
The entire speech, I kept grabbing my arm to unbunch the long sleeve shirt inside my sweatshirt it was so uncomfortable, but I realized that I was wearing a v-neck short sleeve-$19.99 on Amazon.

I kept waiting for the Duracells to fall out of his back at some point. After thinking about some of his remarks, "selfish, I'm sorry, disappointment, I'm sorry, irresponsible and foolish, I'm sorry 27 other times" I realized my favorite part was probably this:
"Some people have speculated that Elin somehow hurt or attacked me on Thanksgiving night. It angers me that people would fabricate a story like that."
Speculate? Fabricate? Yes, why would we, I have no idea where that would come from...let me digress: You crash into fire hydrant, people find you unconsciuos, wife with golf club, broken back window of vehicle, no shoes, 2:30 am, wife finding out about affairs, scandal, cover-up, disappearing for 10 weeks, rehab, wife with golf club, you uncouscious...Sorry bud, what are we supposed to think? You won't say a word. In fact, I think the last thing you said on camera was "Please people, not during my backswing." Classy, great for the sport.

Hold on for 3 minutes...............................................................................................................
Ok, back, had to go poop in the fridge and eat an entire wheel of cheese.

Tiger, don't apopolize to me. You don't need to, you didn't do anything to me, so don't put yourelf on some pedestal and feel like you owe the entire world an apology. And if you do, it's not a state of the union address. We don't need to stop our lives and hear you embarrass yourself even further. I needed a fucking translator for some of it. Just say sorry, tell us when you will be smashing 400 yard drives again, and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Wait for it, wait for it, yeah! There it is-oh, nope never mind, thought it was a tear, nope just the lighting.

The Cougar All-Stars

As previously mentioned, here is the unveiling of my rendition of the 2010 Demi Moore All Stars...

My Batting Order for Sexiest Superstars over 40-The Cougar All Stars. Qualifications: Over 40, Female, Alive(ish).

Leadoff: Jennifer Aniston-Unselfish, just gets the ball in play, and probably a lit stick of dynamite on the basepath. Her tabloid frequencies and drama are only good PR.

2-Hole: Salma Hayek-Fiesty and aggressive, but willing to advance the runner and give up her stats for the sake of a victory.

3: Halle Berry-Because, she's Halle Berry

4: Julia Roberts-A knockout consistent slugger and my perennial MVP. Great teammate and good with the media. Home run hitter with looks and very above average acting. She is a proven winner and our most decorated player. Stats haven't slid with age-Our Wade Boggs circa 1983.

5: Demi Moore-Leads the team in RBI's and bruises. Leads by example and just scares the shit out of opposing pitchers. Proceed with caution, may need to be tested for PEDs.

6: Ashley Judd-Great for the clubhouse, keeps things light and is a real fan of the game. Underrated tatas.

7: Michelle Pfeiffer-Woof. If it's the bottom of the ninth and you're down a run with a man on 2nd, there isn't another person I would want coming up for us than Michelle Pfeiffer. Can you say walk off!

8: Sandra Bullock-The Catcher's spot-The Team Leader and Captain. Sacrificial and admired but down to earth and just one of the gang. Making a career comeback after years of being the best player in sub-par movies.

9: Tough Call between Marisa Tomei and Teri Hatcher. I'll go with Tomei based on resume and the diversity card.

Starting Pitcher: Diane Lane-Crafty, curvy, never flustered, the cougar of cougars. This was a no-brainer.

Set-up reliever: Maria Bello-Can throw one inning or three, has the highest "nude scene per movie" ratio of any decent actress.

Reliever-Cindy Crawford: Ziiiiiiing. Still smokin fastballs at 100mph+ every time out.

The Skipper-Heather Locklear, with base coaches Teri Hatcher and Monica Bellucci.

Slo-Mo Frog

I really like this video.

Olympics: Please add "Swimming and Stab a Guy"

Team USA fielded 216 Olympians. How many did NBC choose to show us in the Opening Ceremonies? Pretty much just Shaun White's teeth. Guess we couldn't get enough Flying Tomato over the last 2 weeks of the X(tasy) Games. I sacrificed my third margarita so I could go somewhere to watch the ceremonies with some volume and get my yearly fill of Bob Costas. I need more Bob Costas in my life.

So, thus far, here are my thoughts, suggestions, alterations, and complaints about the 2010 Olympics, eh? (I will try to throw in subtle Canadian inuendos in wherever possible)

The Opening Ceremonies were about as fresh as Alanis Morissette's latest album(2005). Soo-ree, lame. And the Costas monotone didn't exactly spice it up.

-What isn't a sport anymore? The games are so Americanized so that we can boost our medal count, people don't need talent, athleticism or training to compete anymore. Curling? Seriously. Why isn't darts an olympic sport, or is it? To me the Olympics remind me of when we used be frat kids and invent games while plunging through 6 kegs in one night. Unfortunately these ideas really have become olympic sports...i.e the biathalon(more on this in a minute), curling, archery, and depending on what frat you were in-luge.

The Biathalon: Skiing and guns. Wait, isn't skiing what you do with your 5 and 6 year olds and drink hot chocolate? Now we add a loaded weapon? Like what's next, swimming and stab a guy? I like it. We get OJ. Also, the biatholon should involve live animals, not stationary targets. "And the Gold Medal goes to Mikel Scovenlivenhosen of Finland, he bagged 3 possums, 1/2 a squirrel and a small moose, with a time of 1:23:09!"

Competitions that should be in the Olympics:

"Benders with Bode."

"Pronunciation of your competitors names"

Again, "Swimming and stab a guy"

"Facial expressions during the judges scoring"

Anything Ethopia is good at

"Lumberjacking"


Fact: did you know the last time before 2002 Canada won the Gold medal in Hockey was in 1952. So, when all we associate Canada with is Hockey, this just adds to how egotistical and ignorant Americans are. Don't talk about Hockey with Canadians. Perhaps because there are more "hot climate" cities in the US that have a hockey team than Canada does, is reason enough to not mention that we are stealing the only thing they ever laid claim to. Tampa Bay, Atlanta, Phoenix, Nashville, Florida, Carolina, San Jose, Los Angeles, Dallas, Anaheim-(10) to Vancouver, Toronto, Ottowa, Calgary, Montreal, Edmonton(6). I'm sorry for wasting the last 13 seconds of your life with this.

The Canadian National Anthem Fucking Rules

Man, those Steambaoatians are priddy good and whatnot, eh?

Brad Pitt...Gotta Love Him

The smartest adulterer ever? Brad Pitt. He upgraded from a workaholic actress who didn't want kids to the hottest/craziest/sexiest woman alive who doubles as a fetus machine … and with no real career repercussions! In fact, nothing Brad Pitt does ever seems to come back and haunt him. Not even his latest beard, when he was a few rubber bands and a ponytail away from looking like Captain Lou Albano. Everything bounces off that dude. Every guy hates him because they can't be him, but in the end, just think he's a pretty cool dude that is in good movies, is a decent to above average actor, not cocky, never talks to press really, just cool. I can't think of anybody else like this. Who can you think of? I am interested.


To all those interested, and to be continued: come up with a line up 1-9 of your batting order for the "Demi Moore All Stars" --Sexiest Superstar Women over 40. Or for the females: "George Clooney? All Stars" Obviously keep in mind who your leadoff hitter would be with a little extra emphasis on your 3-4-5 hitters. Please give a little justification for why they are where they are. It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great. Love to hear what you idiots have to say.

If live gives you lemons...

If life gives you lemons, keep 'em, cuz hey, free lemons ya know.




I don't wanna grow up.

The Peels of the Orange

This morning I peeled an orange. I peeled it in 72 pieces. I once peeled an orange in 1 smooth peel. The 72 peels represent today, fragmented, scattered, random, and I am ok with this. But the orange is juicy, and delightful. The inside is sweet and rewarding.

Tomorrow I will try to peel it in less pieces, making progress in a new day, not that there is any degree of complaint. Because today is beautiful, we are alive and influencing everybody, even when we don't know it. A former aquaintance told me that it makes him happy, uplifted and reassured when he sees me. He is recovering from a period of life in what his words described as "the gutter." He told me I gave him hope, for no real reason other than just seeing me. We talked, we will get coffee one day. I feel fulfilled, because that is what makes me happy in life, making other people happy. And I have achieved success.


My dog ate the peels. I don't think that is a bad thing. But it probably is.

Why didn't we do this when we were in Vegas?

http://supersizedmeals.com/food/article.php/20060125050438458

No Comment.

Comma Moderation

It was a pretty sober weekend.

Nuggets OT thriller, fists bumps with melo, pictures of melo's quadricep, tequila, 4 am lightrail rides, line dances, mimosas, 2 block cab rides, third row seats-basically on the floor, CP3 and his posse, Lil' Wayne and his posse, 47 phone photos, 2 nonblurry phone photos, God and Puppies, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT, YEAAAAAAAAAA, "who was that, just some random douche bag?"-"no it was me", 38 lb beer mugs, wind, almost closing the deal with a blonde, not closing the deal with the blonde and seeing her steal my coat, ex-girlfriend(s), WHAAAAT, YEEEAAAAAA, o wait that's lil John, not lil wayne, who the fuck is lil wayne, TULO, Rabbit Ears pass PMS shitstorm, $15 covers, knowing more people at the bar than all my friends that live in Denver, floral fedoras, sucking at rendezvousing with people and not seeing my best friend, yelling wooooooooooooooooo really loud to win an argument, sibling chug offs, sibling puke offs, fuddruckers, shot shot shot shot shot shot shots, shot shot shot shot shot shot shots, wait Nelly, you're still here?, Kiss Cam, Saints, Brett Favre Fulfilling his Prophecy, Kenyon Martin Killing People, brushing my teeth, 3.5 games back of the Lakers.......Can't wait for Next Weekend

Dear Larry David:

I sent a script of my day's events to Larry David in hopes of use on "Curb Your Enthusiasm."

It is as follows:
9:20am--Waiting in the dentist office filling out 6 different forms, giving away details of criminal record, STD's, SS#, past residencies...Come on, it's a tooth.

9:41: Sit down in Dentist's chair followed by immediate x-ray(don't we usually brush first)
9:42: Dental Assistant mutters behind me: "shit" (this is not a joke). She reveals the x-ray and a complete separation of the tooth into 2 parts, cracked right in half below the gumline! I have no idea how it's still in there.
9:43: Dentist says, yeah let me make a couple phone calls and I'll let you know what we should do. "Do you have insurance? My guess is this will be around $5,000 when it's all said and done."

Dentist's Diagnosis: cracked tooth
Dentist's Short Term Prognosis: Remove Tooth and insert "flapper-fake tooth"
Dentist's Long Term Prognosis: 6 month healing process with flapper, then fuse together

My Diagnosis: Dick in Ear
My Short Term Prognosis: Remove Dick From Ear
My Long Term Prognosis: Reinsert Dick in Ear

9:44am: 4 minutes and $88 dollars later, leave dentists office

10:00am: Arrive at work, exit vehicle and see a "For Sale" sign above the door of our warehouse.

10:01am. Re-enter vehicle and head to the VFW.

Oasis

The best station on my Pandora is Oasis. It is a delight, brings a well rounded selection. I am sharing this with the three faithful followers I have. Thank you.

Topic of The Day, to be Read Tomorrow and Yesterday: Bread

Can you think of any other food that changes names when you heat it up? Spaghetti is still Spaghetti when you boil it. Eggs are hard boiled eggs when you boil it, or sunny side up when you add heat. Cooking is defined as the manipulation of heat. So, when someone asks you to prepare your toughest, most creative dish, make toast, because I can't really think of anything besides toast that becomes entirely something else when you add heat to it-just by plopping bread in some slits and dropping the lever. "You want elk tenderloin or some Georgia Scallops-boring, watch this: It is MAGIC-bread becomes something totally different-toast!"

Toast is sliced bread which has been browned by exposure to dry heat. Toasting warms the bread, making it more pleasant to eat for some, allowing for butter to melt when placed on the surface, and makes it crisp such that it holds toppings more securely. Toasting is also a common method of making stale bread palatable. Toast is often served with butter, cheese, marmalade, or any number of other toppings, thereby making an open-faced sandwich.

Directions for how to make toast:
The usual method of browning bread is by the use of a toaster, a small appliance made for that purpose, first used in the late nineteenth or early twentieth century. For a modern toaster, sliced bread is placed into the narrow slots on the top of the device and the desired toast setting is selected. Then, the lever on the side of the toaster is pushed down, simultaneously turning on the heating elements.

That is why whoever invented the toaster was beyond Einsteinian genius. When you put a turkey in the oven it's oven baked turkey. We don't have toaster toasted bread. It's just toast. You see, he was not only just inventing a common household appliance, he was shifting our generational thinking about food, and for that matter, economics, and philosophy. The toaster is the only appliance, tool, model, or concrete thing for lack of a better word, that performs magic. It ranks outside the realm of appliances and food, and becomes something alongside technology, computers, digital transfers as the only thing that transforms magic. In fact, I would rank it higher than such things as on-line banking, email, and other nontangible beings in terms of changing forms of one thing to something completely different.
What is the most common wedding present: toaster.
What is the most common household appliance: toaster.
Most underrated appliance: toaster.
Most energy efficient appliance: garbage disposal?

Listen, let's not set our underpants on fire over this, becuause most of it doesn't even make sense after reading it, but hopefully you get the gist of what I am getting at with the whole toaster metaphor for intangible transormations, i.e: education into wisdom, investments into capitol, um that's all I got. So, the purpose here was to begin our battleblogs. Topic: Bread, and see what you come up with. My friend Kyle V came up with the idea, and I encourage you to come up with your reply on the topic of "Bread."


I am opening a bakery. name: Well Bread
(don't f'ing steal it. I will kick you in the kidney.)

battleblogs: wolfie, where you at?
--Kyle P.

Things I noticed this week and i bet you did too

Just when you thought at&t couldn't get crushed by verizon anymore, they figure why let verizon crush us, let's commit commercial suicide and set our underpants on fire. They get a washed up actor who has to make a buck, and what do you get: a jarringly heavy Luke Wilson doing AT&T ads and looking like he finally gave up on "Old School 2."

Best Idea for a Theme Party: Jersey Shore meets Wolfman-pants optional

My complete and total lack of excitement regarding every one of NBC's Winter Olympics ads (Conan and Leno should compete against each other in a biathlon to boost ratings)

This would be a funny top-10 list: "Top 10 Most Likely Counter-Programming Choices Geared Toward Women On a Sunday When Everyone Else is Watching an NFL Playoff Game

Damn you Harrison Ford, Damn you. Did you know that "The Fugitive" got 4 stars? Saw it on AMC-four big ones...and now this?:
Commercials for the Harrison Ford/Brendan Fraser movie, "Extraordinary Measures." Every 3 minutes or so, commercials would run the trailer, and at some point, Fraser and Ford would have this exchange:

Fraser: "We can do this if we push ourselves, if we work around the clock"
Ford: "I ALREADY WORK AROUND THE CLOCK!!!!"
Best line ever. idiot.

Hey Phone, quit telling people to "duck off"

Weekend, Go Steelers! o wait. Go Broncos! o, right. I'll be rooting for the punters and kickers to blow the entire season with one kick and inevitably get their coaches fired-or see their leg completely hyperextend itself and a kneecap pop out.

CU National Championship Video-Some Corny Shit

Dear Identity: where did you go?

This morning when i had to verify some password by doing one of those word verifications where you have to type the exact funky letters in the gray box thing, the letters were n e l l y. Dear Privacy: where did you go?

It's Ironic...Don't ya think?

There's nothing funny about guns. When Washington Wizards teammates Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton pulled guns on each other over a poker game, even though in a bit of a joke, there's nothing funny about it...Except that the Washington Wizards had changed their team name several years back from, yep you guessed it...The Washington Bullets, because they didn't like the connotation. Well done sirs, well done.

My Friend Sam

We used to share a room. Sometimes we would read to each other to go to sleep. I like Sam.

Forget about the Fucking Toe

Comfortable this is Not.

New Years: Like a bunched up long sleeve inside your sweatshirt. Uncomfortable

newyearchristmakissmyassmakarmakiller

Why must we go through New Year's Eve and New Year's Day? Exactly to the extent I love Christmas, I dislike the whole New Year's business. It comes too close to Christmas -- holidays should not be stacked back-to-back, rather, they should be spaced out through the year. After eating and spending to excess for Christmas, you are supposed to indulge and spend again just a week later. New Year's Eve and New Year's Day serve little function other than insuring January Blahs.
Ideally, a holiday should be transferred to some dull month -- say, March. New Year's sort of must come on Jan. 1. Solution: move Christmas. No one has the slightest idea what day Jesus was born. The reason for the choice of Dec. 25 has been lost to antiquity. Probably it had something to do with the early church choosing a date to coincide with existing Roman winter festivals. Eastern Christianity uses Jan. 7 as Christmas, showing the arbitrary nature of the date. Move Christmas to March! Or at least downplay New Year's, our dumbest holiday.
New Year's is: Champagne, lookback on the year that was(when we really mean wasn't), awkward glancing around at 11:58 for someone to kiss, watching the one you really want kissing someone else, yelling at taxi drivers, cold, the most depressing day ever the next day-now what, bad music, indigestion, unfulfilled goals.

If anybody wants to make out, I'll be in bed at 9, looking up random things on wikipedia.

Vote on Spiffy Dog's New Styles for 2010

Leave Your Comments, vote for 8, or rank them all. Do whatever, send me an email: kyle@spiffydog.com (click on image to enlarge). We will be choosing 8 new Designs, so your vote counts. We will send you a free keychain just for voting.

Top 10 Things I Hope Go Out of Style in 2010

It’s Tuesday, 9:39 AM, so the workday is “done.” But, rather than waste the next 10 minutes Christmas Shopping online(because I do that), facebook creeping, shuffling papers, and …I blacked out, I’ve decided to write my Top 10 Things I Hope Go Out of Style in 2010.

I wish I were more creative in the morning, but it's a start.

10. Vampires
9. the phrase “that’s what she said”
8. quoting lines from The Big Lebowski like its your favorite movie. Fuck off, you’ve seen it once and you don’t really understand the sheer genius of it.
7. “epic”, lol and :)

6. When people say "I've got 3 words for you..." and then say something like "Anger Manage-ment." Not clever at all anymore at all. I think you should say, " I've got 2 words for you, 3 syllables, a noun followed by an adverb forming a prepositional phrase." Or something.
5. People saying that the only reason Canada still exists is Hockey. That’s just dumb. Canada Rules.
4. WWF, MMA, PEDs,

3. third movies(re-sequels)-it’s so 1987, stop already. Unless we’re talkin Toy Story. (I could go on about this forever but will spare the time.)

2. Changing your name (see Ochocinco, Chad)
1. Reality TV…Actually let’s be honest, I’d love to see reality TV go just over the top. “Let’s have the audience weigh in on how the judges judged the judging of the competition.” And here’s one I’d really love to see: If Lebron were a marketing genius, which I believe he can be, he would market his free agency story of 2010 with a reality TV show. Call it “2010: LeBron’s Choice” or “LeBachelor” where he starts with 32 GM’s one from every team and wittles it down to 16, 8, then 4, 2 and finally 1, in which the GMs are put through rigorous mental and physical tests every week and then half are voted off at the end of the show. I like it, I bet he ends up in Canada.

Top 10 Things I Hope Come Back in Style in 2010

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10. Jim Carrey

9. Ass Slaps

8. Credit Cards

7. White Collar Crime

6. Big Phones

5. Scooters-yea for the whole green thing, not for style, right.

4. Julia Roberts

3. Girlfriends-like who does that anymore?

2. Hot Pockets

1. The Pencil