Let's Tweet in the New Year Shall We

These all happened or were said at one point. And I spent $12. New Year's Eve's Events in 140 characters or less.

Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the number of ex-girlfriends here, this night will be ending in tears.

Chick just threw up on my shoes. Then asked to borrow them for the walk home-she lost hers. I gave her 1.

I think Kelly slept on my doorstep.
-It's -17 degrees.
The door was unlocked, what more was I supposed to do.

hmm. I think she's playing the game in life called 'how far will a man travel for a booty call'.
She has a commanding lead.

I'm not crying, i just poured water on my face to wipe off the running mascara dick.

RT@youhadmeatblondeandtrustfund: you had me at "you have a nicer rack than her"

Leaving the window open. Her vibrator's funeral is at 2am. Bring a side dish/dessert or some shit.

You just tipped the cab driver with 17 condoms. Booyah!

Eff you red bull, Eff you.

Dear guradian angel, please come back, in a tight one here.

Where the F are we, South Beach?

PANTSPUSHING!!

Lots's of explosions, brief nudity, full penetration, so many tuxedos. How's your night going?

Wanttng to gt homeso mch quickerr. NOto gonnna vmitj notgonna do iT.

I just pet a horse.

Just met the ex Gf's new BF. Didn't seem like a douch AT ALL.

DM@twoballsnoglory: She just did a bodyshot off herself, I don't care if it's 8:30, come pick her ass up.

Gonna go curl up in a ball in the corner and listen to Matchbox 20. Call me.

ID, Check. $4, Check. Cell, Check.

oooh, do you still have that burrito in your pocket?

Thought I was dreaming; nope just seeing quadruple. This curb looks comfy. And yes, i Just texted a semi-colon hammered.

Yep, pretty sure I just ruined their relationship. Take a bow.

Wine glass full of tequila. Please ignore all texts after this one.

Champongo!!!

Phone Five. She's hot!

She negotiated the purchase of a tray of 50 jello shots for $8. Save the date in mail on Monday.

So fucking cold, dick going in toaster when i get home.

I just snuked (sneezed and puked)

Pitchers of white russians!

Dude you just made out with my girlfriend.
-She's not your girlfriend.
Oh yea. Well im still pissed.
-you can make out with mine.
deal.


Thank you 2010, we just kicked your ass. I came out one tooth ahead of last new years, gotta call that a success.