The Peels of the Orange

This morning I peeled an orange. I peeled it in 72 pieces. I once peeled an orange in 1 smooth peel. The 72 peels represent today, fragmented, scattered, random, and I am ok with this. But the orange is juicy, and delightful. The inside is sweet and rewarding.

Tomorrow I will try to peel it in less pieces, making progress in a new day, not that there is any degree of complaint. Because today is beautiful, we are alive and influencing everybody, even when we don't know it. A former aquaintance told me that it makes him happy, uplifted and reassured when he sees me. He is recovering from a period of life in what his words described as "the gutter." He told me I gave him hope, for no real reason other than just seeing me. We talked, we will get coffee one day. I feel fulfilled, because that is what makes me happy in life, making other people happy. And I have achieved success.


My dog ate the peels. I don't think that is a bad thing. But it probably is.

Why didn't we do this when we were in Vegas?

http://supersizedmeals.com/food/article.php/20060125050438458

No Comment.

Comma Moderation

It was a pretty sober weekend.

Nuggets OT thriller, fists bumps with melo, pictures of melo's quadricep, tequila, 4 am lightrail rides, line dances, mimosas, 2 block cab rides, third row seats-basically on the floor, CP3 and his posse, Lil' Wayne and his posse, 47 phone photos, 2 nonblurry phone photos, God and Puppies, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT, YEAAAAAAAAAA, "who was that, just some random douche bag?"-"no it was me", 38 lb beer mugs, wind, almost closing the deal with a blonde, not closing the deal with the blonde and seeing her steal my coat, ex-girlfriend(s), WHAAAAT, YEEEAAAAAA, o wait that's lil John, not lil wayne, who the fuck is lil wayne, TULO, Rabbit Ears pass PMS shitstorm, $15 covers, knowing more people at the bar than all my friends that live in Denver, floral fedoras, sucking at rendezvousing with people and not seeing my best friend, yelling wooooooooooooooooo really loud to win an argument, sibling chug offs, sibling puke offs, fuddruckers, shot shot shot shot shot shot shots, shot shot shot shot shot shot shots, wait Nelly, you're still here?, Kiss Cam, Saints, Brett Favre Fulfilling his Prophecy, Kenyon Martin Killing People, brushing my teeth, 3.5 games back of the Lakers.......Can't wait for Next Weekend

Dear Larry David:

I sent a script of my day's events to Larry David in hopes of use on "Curb Your Enthusiasm."

It is as follows:
9:20am--Waiting in the dentist office filling out 6 different forms, giving away details of criminal record, STD's, SS#, past residencies...Come on, it's a tooth.

9:41: Sit down in Dentist's chair followed by immediate x-ray(don't we usually brush first)
9:42: Dental Assistant mutters behind me: "shit" (this is not a joke). She reveals the x-ray and a complete separation of the tooth into 2 parts, cracked right in half below the gumline! I have no idea how it's still in there.
9:43: Dentist says, yeah let me make a couple phone calls and I'll let you know what we should do. "Do you have insurance? My guess is this will be around $5,000 when it's all said and done."

Dentist's Diagnosis: cracked tooth
Dentist's Short Term Prognosis: Remove Tooth and insert "flapper-fake tooth"
Dentist's Long Term Prognosis: 6 month healing process with flapper, then fuse together

My Diagnosis: Dick in Ear
My Short Term Prognosis: Remove Dick From Ear
My Long Term Prognosis: Reinsert Dick in Ear

9:44am: 4 minutes and $88 dollars later, leave dentists office

10:00am: Arrive at work, exit vehicle and see a "For Sale" sign above the door of our warehouse.

10:01am. Re-enter vehicle and head to the VFW.

Oasis

The best station on my Pandora is Oasis. It is a delight, brings a well rounded selection. I am sharing this with the three faithful followers I have. Thank you.

Topic of The Day, to be Read Tomorrow and Yesterday: Bread

Can you think of any other food that changes names when you heat it up? Spaghetti is still Spaghetti when you boil it. Eggs are hard boiled eggs when you boil it, or sunny side up when you add heat. Cooking is defined as the manipulation of heat. So, when someone asks you to prepare your toughest, most creative dish, make toast, because I can't really think of anything besides toast that becomes entirely something else when you add heat to it-just by plopping bread in some slits and dropping the lever. "You want elk tenderloin or some Georgia Scallops-boring, watch this: It is MAGIC-bread becomes something totally different-toast!"

Toast is sliced bread which has been browned by exposure to dry heat. Toasting warms the bread, making it more pleasant to eat for some, allowing for butter to melt when placed on the surface, and makes it crisp such that it holds toppings more securely. Toasting is also a common method of making stale bread palatable. Toast is often served with butter, cheese, marmalade, or any number of other toppings, thereby making an open-faced sandwich.

Directions for how to make toast:
The usual method of browning bread is by the use of a toaster, a small appliance made for that purpose, first used in the late nineteenth or early twentieth century. For a modern toaster, sliced bread is placed into the narrow slots on the top of the device and the desired toast setting is selected. Then, the lever on the side of the toaster is pushed down, simultaneously turning on the heating elements.

That is why whoever invented the toaster was beyond Einsteinian genius. When you put a turkey in the oven it's oven baked turkey. We don't have toaster toasted bread. It's just toast. You see, he was not only just inventing a common household appliance, he was shifting our generational thinking about food, and for that matter, economics, and philosophy. The toaster is the only appliance, tool, model, or concrete thing for lack of a better word, that performs magic. It ranks outside the realm of appliances and food, and becomes something alongside technology, computers, digital transfers as the only thing that transforms magic. In fact, I would rank it higher than such things as on-line banking, email, and other nontangible beings in terms of changing forms of one thing to something completely different.
What is the most common wedding present: toaster.
What is the most common household appliance: toaster.
Most underrated appliance: toaster.
Most energy efficient appliance: garbage disposal?

Listen, let's not set our underpants on fire over this, becuause most of it doesn't even make sense after reading it, but hopefully you get the gist of what I am getting at with the whole toaster metaphor for intangible transormations, i.e: education into wisdom, investments into capitol, um that's all I got. So, the purpose here was to begin our battleblogs. Topic: Bread, and see what you come up with. My friend Kyle V came up with the idea, and I encourage you to come up with your reply on the topic of "Bread."


I am opening a bakery. name: Well Bread
(don't f'ing steal it. I will kick you in the kidney.)

battleblogs: wolfie, where you at?
--Kyle P.

Things I noticed this week and i bet you did too

Just when you thought at&t couldn't get crushed by verizon anymore, they figure why let verizon crush us, let's commit commercial suicide and set our underpants on fire. They get a washed up actor who has to make a buck, and what do you get: a jarringly heavy Luke Wilson doing AT&T ads and looking like he finally gave up on "Old School 2."

Best Idea for a Theme Party: Jersey Shore meets Wolfman-pants optional

My complete and total lack of excitement regarding every one of NBC's Winter Olympics ads (Conan and Leno should compete against each other in a biathlon to boost ratings)

This would be a funny top-10 list: "Top 10 Most Likely Counter-Programming Choices Geared Toward Women On a Sunday When Everyone Else is Watching an NFL Playoff Game

Damn you Harrison Ford, Damn you. Did you know that "The Fugitive" got 4 stars? Saw it on AMC-four big ones...and now this?:
Commercials for the Harrison Ford/Brendan Fraser movie, "Extraordinary Measures." Every 3 minutes or so, commercials would run the trailer, and at some point, Fraser and Ford would have this exchange:

Fraser: "We can do this if we push ourselves, if we work around the clock"
Ford: "I ALREADY WORK AROUND THE CLOCK!!!!"
Best line ever. idiot.

Hey Phone, quit telling people to "duck off"

Weekend, Go Steelers! o wait. Go Broncos! o, right. I'll be rooting for the punters and kickers to blow the entire season with one kick and inevitably get their coaches fired-or see their leg completely hyperextend itself and a kneecap pop out.

CU National Championship Video-Some Corny Shit

Dear Identity: where did you go?

This morning when i had to verify some password by doing one of those word verifications where you have to type the exact funky letters in the gray box thing, the letters were n e l l y. Dear Privacy: where did you go?

It's Ironic...Don't ya think?

There's nothing funny about guns. When Washington Wizards teammates Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton pulled guns on each other over a poker game, even though in a bit of a joke, there's nothing funny about it...Except that the Washington Wizards had changed their team name several years back from, yep you guessed it...The Washington Bullets, because they didn't like the connotation. Well done sirs, well done.